Have you ever had moments where you felt like the fire that once consumed your marriage had dwindled down into nothing more than glowing coals? If I am honest with myself, then I have to answer yes. The sad fact is that many men would answer the same, and because of their lack of passion and affection women are turning to sexually illicit and perverse sources (i.e. Fifty shades of Grey) to satisfy their longing for these emotions.
The other day I was watching a wedding video. I saw a very young man standing jovially at the end of an aisle made of hay bales. He cracked jokes back and forth with his groomsmen, waved back at those in the crowd and fist bumped his grandfather who was presiding over the wedding. The music began and the bridesmaids started filing down the aisle, as the camera focused in on the groom, the countenance of that young man slowly started to change. The music changed and a beautiful young woman began to walk down the aisle. Her hair was done perfectly, her makeup spot-on, her dress breathtaking, her jewelry sparkling as if she was adorned in the stars and a smile that would testify to even the most avid of atheists that only a God could create something so beautiful. The groom’s eyes began to water; God’s greatest gift to him outside of his salvation was walking towards him to be united in a covenant. The bride was given over by her father and the bride and groom’s eyes locked into each others. It was as if that moment they felt as if their souls had become one. It was time to say the vows and the bride did an incredible job bringing even more tears from the groom who was doing his best to be stoic. When the groom began his vows, you could tell he was very thankful he had written down the words, for the moment had overwhelmed any train of thought outside of man she’s pretty. What a beautiful wedding this was to watch and what a moment of conviction to know that groom was me. I had to ask the tough question, “Do I look at my wife and show her the affection that I did on our wedding day, every day?” My answer was a profound, “No.” Why is this? You may say well it is the honey moon stage, you were just young, times change or life hadn’t hit you yet. Though all these answers had some validity I realized something, they were nothing but excuses for me to live beneath my privilege as a husband. Yes, I said it a privilege.
There are so many books today on programs and processes to try and rebuild or strengthen marriages, but they all pale in comparison to the Holy Inspired Word of God. In my vows I promised my wife to uphold Ephesians 5:25 which states, “Husbands love your wife as Christ loved the church, and gave Himself up for her.” Now I do understand you are probably sitting there saying way to set yourself up for failure dude, but is Christ not to be the example of all our doings; and last time I checked this was not a suggestion to be considered, but a command to be obeyed. You see a wedding is so much more than just a traditional ceremony, it is a worship service done to glorify a gracious God who has blessed us with the gift of marriage, and has made it the top institution of all human relationship. Here I had made a choice to make this woman my wife, now I had promised to perform a spiritual duty before her, all that were present and God to LOVE her.
After watching the video of our wedding, oh how my heart leaped for joy every time I saw my wife. Whether she was grumpy or nagging, I could not help but to love just the fact that it was her who was doing it. You see we lose the passion and affection for our wives the moment we forget that they are a gift from God, and that being with them is a privilege and an honor. I want us to go to the Scriptures to see an example of what happens when you see your wife as a gift instead of just another social norm.
In Genesis 2 God gives us a more detailed description of what took place in Genesis 1.
Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him.” Out of the ground the Lord God formed every beast of the field and every bird of the sky, and brought them to the man to see what he would call them; and whatever the man called a living creature, that was its name. The man gave names to all the cattle, and to the birds of the sky, and to every beast of the field, but for Adam there was not found a helper suitable for him. – Genesis 2:18-20
What is so interesting about the verses above is that God clearly states it is not good that man be alone, but instead of immediately creating a woman, God brings forth every animal and its partner before Adam and has him name them. In the process Adam sees the completeness of the animals and their opposite sex partners and he realizes that there is no partner for him. Now why would God do this? I believe that He wanted Adam to truly feel how insignificant and lonely his life was without a wife and how precious her partnership would be to him. A few verses later after God had formed Eve from Adam’s rib, God brings Eve to Adam and we read of the first song ever sung in creation.
This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called woman, because she was taken from man. – Genesis 2:23
In seeing his bride, Adam could not withhold the delight in his heart, this song was basically saying to Eve, “Oh how I have longed for you my wife!” Adam was now complete, and God would now say “it is very good.”
So to husbands, never forget that your wife is a gift from above, and you are to treat her as such. When she nags and you are angry, repent and love your wife. When she seems unreasonable and you are ready to leave, repent and love your wife. When time does its process, and the commercials seem to attract you to a newer model, repent and love your wife. Remember that in marriage God is not only your father, but also your Father-in-Law. Always allow yourself to think of that moment you saw her for the first time as your wife, hold onto that image tight and love your wife!
